Well, I thought I'd start this blog as a way of putting down all my thoughts and feelings about my pregnancy, and later on, about my child. I will try to keep up with it, though I've always been bad about forgetting to update blogs and stuff like that.
I am 13 weeks pregnant. It was a surprise pregnancy, and came at a really bad time financially, but I'm still thrilled about it. How can I not be? I've known I wanted kids since I was 7, have felt like I was ready since I was 21, and had begun to fear that I'd never get a chance to experience it, as I watched everybody my age having kids. Now, at 27, for this to finally have happened to me, I couldn't be more excited!
I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks. That month, pregnancy had been the farthest thing from my mind. I knew my period was late, but I have had some late periods every once in a while, so at first I didn't think anything of it. I just thought that I COULDN'T be pregnant. On the 7th day after my period should have started, I began to feel nauseous. The day before that, I'd accidentally eaten some raw chicken, so I thought that was causing it. My biggest tip off was my coffee. I am a self-proclaimed "coffee-holic". When I got my daily coffee that morning, it tasted nasty to me. That was the first time I thought, "Maybe I should take a pregnancy test." But even then, I really didn't believe I could be pregnant. Still, I decided I'd take the test the next morning. When I woke up, on the 8th day after my period should have started, I thought I was cramping. I debated whether I should not take the test after all. If I was cramping, then surely I'd start my period soon. But, I decided that I'd go to the bathroom, and if I hadn't started yet, I'd go ahead and take the test. Once I got in there, and found that I hadn't started, I reluctantly opened a test, feeling certain that I was wasting it. I took the test, set it on the counter, wiped myself, and glanced over to watch the lines appear. I fully expected to see a minus sign, but instead I got a plus. My first reaction was to say, "OH!" and start shaking violently. It took a minute before I even felt I had the strength to stand up. When at last I did, I was still shaking like crazy. I picked up the test, ran to my bedroom, and climbed back into bed next to my husband. I shook him awake. Groggily, he turned to me and said, "What?" Feeling unable to speak, I simply thrust the test at him. The poor man was only half awake. He blinked at it a few times, then said, "Okay...How are you feeling?" I shrugged. "I don't know yet. I can't quit shaking." He hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay, and then we spent some time talking about what we needed to do.
A few days after that, I went to a free clinic to get an official pregnancy test, and a "proof of pregnancy" to take to the medicaid office. Even at that point, I really didn't fully believe that I could be pregnant. I kept thinking, "Maybe the test was wrong." After they did the test there, the woman came back into her office and let me know that the test was positive. I felt light headed, as she wrote me up a proof of pregnancy, and we talked about what I needed. This clinic operated as a charity, and everything they did was free. Before I left, she had given me an entire wardrobe of maternity clothes.
Not long ago, I had my first doctor's appointment, and later, my first ultra sound. Both were extremely mind blowing. At my first appointment, I got to hear my baby's heart beat for the first time. I was overwhelmed by emotions, and bawled. They also took so much blood from me that I fainted. Woops! At my first ultra sound, I got to see my baby for the first time. It wasn't moving around much. I think it was sleeping. It did move once. I cried there too, but not as much, because I was too busy watching it. I just kept saying "Wow!" Even now, when I look at the pictures they gave me, I get teary eyed.
By now, I am starting to show, just a tiny bit. I'm finally starting to wear the maternity clothes that the clinic gave me. I can't wait to be much bigger, and obviously pregnant. I can't wait for a random stranger to walk up to me, touch my belly and congratulate me. All of this is something I've wanted to experience for so long, and even the uncomfortable parts, I am glad to be experiencing, because it's all part of a miracle.
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